In asking people what they want out of life, the vast majority respond, “I just want to be happy.” However, many are frustrated and disappointed because they look for happiness in the wrong places. So what’s the problem?
The problem is that many base their happiness on what others do, and others will only fail them. Their expectation of others comes from a survival technique that was needed in infancy and childhood, but does not bring satisfaction in adulthood.
Any living creature has an inherit desire to survive. Little babies also use survival techniques. Babies get their needs met by seeking the attention of another because they are unable to meet their own needs. The baby cries for attention to get help. She cries to be fed. She cries to get a diaper changed. She cries to be held. Crying is a baby’s survival mechanism.
The problem occurs when the child grows and continues to use “crying” techniques. They behave in negative ways — seeking attention so others will respond to their needs. Some become the class clown. Some become the bully for attention. Some become accident prone for attention. Some do the opposite of what is expected of them for attention. (Some saints will do this for attention. Beware they can never be satisfied in what you do).
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Some adults continue their childhood survival skills to get others to respond to their needs. They seek to find others who will respond to their negative behaviors. They are always asking for help, but never finding satisfaction. They are not satisfied and never will they be if they continue such behaviors.
Seeking attention from others does not satisfy because adults don’t need survival, they need fulfillment. Fulfillment does not come from what others do. Instead, fulfillment comes from what the individual does. It comes from within – doing the necessary things that lead to fulfillment.
Fulfillment requires removing the surface things that may feel good (ie. satisfying the flesh) to attending to the deeper things of the heart (ie. living by the spirit). Therefore, before you can find happiness around, you must find fulfillment within you. For adults, fulfillment, not survival techniques are the pathway to “true” happiness.
