We’ve heard of the prodigal son who left home, but now we have prodigal fathers who have left home. Last night was the first discussion I’ve heard concerning “fatherless sons” since I began writing and teaching on “Connecting Fathers and Sons” several months ago. I’m sure there have been discussions, but I just haven’t heard them.
My wife asked me to watch OWN Network where Oprah Winfrey, Iyanla Vanzant, and Roland Warren spoke on “Fatherless Sons.” In reviewing the arcade later on the website, Oprah has aired previous shows concerning “Fatherless Sons.”
With the many challenges in our society, we should give more attention to addressing this critical need. Current US census says that 24 million, or 1 of 3 children in the US grow up with single mothers and absent fathers. Where are the men? Where are the fathers? Just as fathers may be waiting for prodigal sons, children are also waiting for their prodigal fathers to return home.
There are a number of reasons on why fathers are absent. In discussion with men, one reason that men say is “it’s difficult to reconnect.” They don’t know where to start. And younger men who are raising children don’t want to make the same mistake of their father. They desire to be in their children’s lives, but need help. They didn’t have a good model to follow.
Men can have many reasons that keep them from reconnecting to their children. However, regardless of the challenge, they should start anyway. Taking the first step is usually the hardest. Overcome whatever hinders you. Overcome the fear of rejection. Give your child a call. Write your child a letter. You don’t have to be perfect, but you do have to be yourself.
Children need their fathers. As you reenter your child’s life, do not make the mistake of trying to be a father that is quick to tell your child what they should be doing or not doing. As your child may have grown into the teenage or young adult years, you cannot force your child to be in your life. The child also chooses the type of relationship he or she wants. You must respect this.
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When you’ve been absent, you must build trust again. Tell your child that you desire to be in their lives. But give the child space. You must develop the relationship again. Take time to show them you love them. Be honest with your child. Tell your child that you’ve made mistakes. Humble yourself and ask them for forgiveness. Don’t blame the child’s mother or anyone else. Be a man and take responsibility for your own actions. Your humility and honesty demonstrates the best model of manhood that blesses your child in a powerful way.
You may have expectations of the relationship, but the child also has a say. The child also helps shape and defines the relationship. However, even when the relationship is not clearly defined, start somewhere. Spend time together. Talk and share with one another. Be yourself and allow your child to be him or herself. From this relationship, healing begins. Even though you cannot make up for lost years, he can start from where are.
It’s not too late. Men do not have to be “perfect” or wait until everything is just right. Take the first step. Reenter slowly, cautiously, and with gentle love, start from where you are.
Pray for us and join with us in making a difference. Take the challenge and get involved. Be a father. Be a mentor. Start Today.
